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Vornicarn (episode)/Script
At Antarctica (Link, Dr. Cockroach, and Sqweep exited the jet as soon as it landed. Sqweep started to bungee, but falls directly to his hovercraft. Dr. Cockroach bungee jumps successfully) Link: (flexes and jumps) Cannonball! (hits himself from ice) Ice, my old enemy. Sqweep: (flies down to Link) Shall I help liberate your frozen posterior? (gets his stuff) Link: Yeah, that would be awesome if you could----(gets scared of Sqweep's sound blaster) (Sqweep uses the blaster to shoot a hole to fit Link) Link: No more helping! Dr. Cockroach: (talks on the phone) Field unit to mission control, we are en route to the site and awaiting orders. B.O.B. (in Area Fifty-Something): That's a roger copy that. Alpha tango zulu bravo bravo. Bogey incoming over and out. Smokey niner on your tail good buddy microphone microphone, check one check. Dr. Cockroach: Is there any chance we could talk to somebody else? Susan (in Area Fifty-Something): (pushes B.O.B.) Sorry, B.O.B. is kind of super excited about this mission control thing. B.O.B. (in Area Fifty-Something): I'm in charge! Note the majestic sombrero I'm wearing; it stands for leadership. At Area Fifty-Something Dr. Cockroach (in Antarctica): Yes, it's very becoming. Now, do we get to know what this secret mission is or are we simply hanging off the edge of an ice shelf for the giggles? Coverton: Antarctica looks chilly. Brrrr. I'm having cocoa. (slurps the cocoa) Mmmm, (lays his feet on the table) comfy. (chuckles) Monger: (enters the base while flying from his jet pack) Tention! The following information is top secret. Anyone without blue-level security clearance, initiate block-out protocols now. (a person with red-level security clearance sighs, covers his ears, and makes noises as Monger speaks) Monger: At O four hundred hours this morning, a Manhattan-sized iceberg split off the Antarctic Coast, leaving a clear sheer wall behind. B.O.B.: That's just awful. Dr. Cockroach, find that iceberg and bring it to justice. No clear sheer wall behind! Monger: Forget the iceberg, B.O.B.; the problem is what's stuck in the ice wall. One unidentified purple pod. Geoscan can only tell me two things: it's been buried in that ice for over ten thousand years, and it ain't from Mama Earth. Link (in Antarctica): Wait, you made us fly all the way down to butt-frozen nowhere just to check out some old space nugget? Monger: (flies to the table) No, I sent Dr. Cockroach and Sqweep for that. I sent you as payback for what you did to my toothbrush! Link (in Antarctica) Uh, I have no idea what you're... (Monger plays the flashback) In the bathroom during a flashback Link: (sings while brushing his body with Monger's toothbrush) For a healthy, happy Link, '' ''Brush your scales each time they stink. (brushes something not seen) (Susan from the present thought it was gross, B.O.B. from the present thought it was surprising, and Link smells the toothbrush thinking it smells bad then places the toothbrush to make it look unnoticeable) Back in the present Link (in Antarctica): Okay, that's tough but fair. Dr. Cockroach (in Antarctica): On our way, general. (the general turns the communication off) In Antarctica (Link and Dr. Cockroach climbed down while Sqweep flew down with the three finding Vornicarn's egg) Sqweep: (scans the egg with his scooter) Hmm, definitely alien in origin. Link: Awesome. So what's the best way to smash it? Rocks, right? They got any big rocks around here? Sqweep: What?! This is a major discovery of an ancient artifact! Link: Ancient alien artifact. Lesson one: alien always equal trouble. (Sqweep gets mad of Link) Link: No offense, kid. I don't pick the target, I just drop the truth bomb. Dr. Cockroach: As a matter of science, I feel compelled to give this anomaly a full investigation. However, as a proven alien menace does exist----should we really be touching that? Link: (tries to pull the egg out) It's cool, Doc. I got this. (the egg starts moving) Link: Huh? (the egg opens up like a flower as the three tried to look what happens next only to find nothing happens yet) Link: Well, that's all kinds of... (the egg shoot out a tongue at Link) Link: Ah, my nose! It got my nose! (gets hit from ice over and over from the tongue) Sqweep: Intriguing. Dr. Cockroach: Science settled. Smash it! Smash it good. Link: (tries to punch the egg, but hits the ice) Ow! (falls down, loses his bungee rope, and gets hit from more ice by the egg) Ugh! Dr. Cockroach: (climbs down to Link) Release that nostril, ancient nose-hugging space menace. (tries to hit the egg, but hits the ice as it rolls away hurting Link) (runs to the egg but gets hit from Link by the egg) In Area Fifty-Something Link (in Antarctica): (squashes Dr. Cockroach) Yo, mission control, any ideas on how to----(gets pulled by the egg) Ah, that's incredibly painful! Susan: We're working on it. employee #1: I don't know. (the second employee runs the back of his neck, the red-licensed employee just kept ignoring, and Monger slaps himself) Susan: okay, really helpful guys. B.O.B.: (orders a soldier to do something) Push that button. Faster! More urgency! Now say, "And my world forgives us for what we've done this day." soldier: (stops pushing the button) Uh, I don't see how that... (keeps pressing the button) B.O.B.: Leadership Sombrero. In Antarctica (Link keeps on getting hit by the egg) Sqweep: (flies down) Engage scientific method! Hypothesis: electric shock will force release. (shocks Link with electricity) Link: What did I say about helping?! (gets hit by the egg and gets dragged up the wall closer to the jet) Dr. Cockroach: (climbs up the wall) You mustn't let it reach the transport jet, it's our only way home! Link: No----ugh----you don't! (pulls the egg and punches it as it comes by) Yeah! Eat fist you snot-sucking----(sees the egg expanded) It's gonna explode, isn't it? Dr. Cockroach: Uh, probably. (runs away from the egg) Sqweep: Take cover! (flies away from the egg) (Link tries to run away, but the egg has a firm hold of him having it explode near him) Dr. Cockroach: (comes to Link along with Sqweep) Link, are you all right, man? Link: (groans) Is it gone? (sniffs) Sqweep: It appears the explosion vaporized whatever was inside the pod. Link: Another alien threat successfully smashed. You're welcome Earth. (high-fives with Dr. Cockroach) Near the entrance of Area Fifty-Something (the jet lands near B.O.B. and Susan) Susan: Nice work guys. B.O.B.: (gives necklaces to Sqweep, Dr. Cockroach, and Link while saying, "aloha," to each) Aloha. Aloha. Aloha. (touches Link shoulder) Link: Careful buddy, I think I caught a little head cold. B.O.B.: Oh, then let me heal you with the best medicine: laughter. (trips Link) Clear! (laughs at Link) (a vortex appears with a beam of light leaving a magnetic field) Link: Whatever comes out of that, totally your turn to fight it. B.O.B.: Removing Leadership Sombrero. (removes the sombrero) Putting on Combat Sombrero. (puts the sombrero back on and adds two more pairs of arms) (Sta'abi comes out of the magnetic field with an electric spear) Link: Va to the voom. B.O.B.: (tries to attack her, but Link stops him) Huh? Link: (walks over to Sta'abi) Welcome my lady, to Earth. We totally heart aliens. Sqweep: But previously you claimed all aliens equals trouble, so... (gets thrown by Link's tail into a barrel) Link: (tries to offer a necklace, but sees Sta'abi burning it) Huh? (gets thrown by Sta'abi) Ow! (Sta'abi vaporizes a rock) Sqweep: (gets lift by Sta'abi and dropped) Oh! Sta'abi: (sniffs Susan and rips out parts of the jet) Where? Where is it? Where is it hiding? (Susan grows into her Ginormica form) Sta'abi: Where is the... (gets grabbed by Susan from the spear) Susan: Time out! Sta'abi: Who dare touches the spear of Sta'abi? Susan: Stabby, tha-that's you? Sta'abi: Sta-abi. Susan: Staaabi? Sta'abi: (sings) Sta'abi '' ''Ahahahah, ahahahah, oh. Susan: (lets go of the spear) Okay, good. And I'm Susan. See how we're being less rude now? So maybe let's start with what you're doing on our base. Sta'abi: I hunt the bloodthirsty beast called, the vornicarn. Susan: The Vorni----what are we talking about? Sta'abi: (scoffs) You are useless. Susan: Less rude, less. Sta'abi: (jumps to Susan) Intercepted transmissions tell me you have found a frozen vornicarn egg. Dr. Cockroach: Are you referring to a purplish pod about yea big? Sta'abi: (jumps on Dr. Cockroach) You, bug-man, where is the vornicarn? It is my destiny to... Link: Good news Goldilocks, I already popped that sucker. So you can just relax, perhaps with a warm, chocolate-beverage and a kissing Link. B.O.B.: (pushes Link and gives Sta'abi the sombrero) Friendship Sombrero! Sta'abi: (pushes the sombrero to B.O.B. and runs to Link) You popped the vornicarn? But you have the soft belly of a farm animal. Link: (laughs) Farm animal. Moo. Susan: Uh Link, inviting an alien with poor social skills and a glowy spear inside our top secret base? Link: It's called building bridges, Suze. It's what we do. Sqweep: His policy on aliens seems very inconsistent. (tips the barrel he was in and fell down) Whoa! In the base Link: Okay, so it's chocolate, but it's hot, and you drink it. It's like, "What?!" Totally gonna love it. Coverton: (screams and jumps to the cafeteria man) It's in the building. Save yourselves after you've saved me! (whimpers) Link: Whoa Coverton, chillax. This is... Coverton: I know her kind! They are savage, pitiless warriors; not to be trusted. See, she hunts even now. (Sta'abi sniffs a guy which a different girl slaps him) Sta'abi: It is impossible! This backwards planet is no challenge for the fierce vornicarn. Link: That's how we do, boo. Pow wow to the nose-hugger and walk away with nothing but a head cold. Excuse me. (uses a tissue to wipe) Sta'abi: (pushes Link) Vornicarn! Susan: (back in human size) Okay, who didn't see that one coming? (runs to Sta'abi) Let him go. (gets thrown by Sta'abi) (the crowd runs away while Dr. Cockroach failed to fight Sta'abi, B.O.B. accidentally injects Dr. Cockroach while Sta'abi throws him, and Susan accidentally gets into B.O.B. due to Sta'abi) Coverton: Savage, you see. Look at her, effortlessly fighting, all four monsters, at once. I call that one for my team. (Dr. Cockroach, Susan, and B.O.B. Are thrown on the wall) Link: Are we gonna kiss now? (Sta'abi screams war cry and sprays some sort of pepper on Link) Link: What are you... Susan: Did she just grind pepper in his face? B.O.B.: Ah, who can explain the mysteries of love? (takes Dr. Cockroach out of him) Link: (gets pain from his nose as it hits him) Ow! Ugh! (sneezes out the vornicarn) (Coverton, Dr. Cockroach, B.O.B., and Susan screamed) Sta'abi: Hmm, the vornicarn. (the vornicarn runs away after blowing a raspberry) Later on in the think tank Monger: (checks the security camera) Alright scary lady, spill it! What exactly are we facing? Sta'abi: The vornicarn is a creature of unbridled destruction. Tireless, fast, strong; no instinct other than, "destroy, eat, repeat". B.O.B.: I'm sorry. Could you repeat that last word? Sta'abi: Repeat? B.O.B.: Yes. Sta'abi: Repeat. B.O.B.: Please. Sta'abi: Repeat! B.O.B.: Just the last word. Sta'abi: (sits down) Hamburger. B.O.B.: I have no further questions. (leaves the screen) Sta'abi: I must hunt the vornicarn; otherwise, it will be very bad for your planet. Link: (pops up) Don't be scared, this is Earth. Link's got this. (gets thrown on the table by Sta'abi) Whoa! (groans) Monger: I appreciate the warning Sta-abi, but that tiny ball of fury just (stands up) landed itself smack-dab in the heart of America's finest alien defense citadel. We'll have it contained by... (a crash is heard as people are screaming) random employee: It's unstoppable and terrifying! Monger: Round one to the vornicarn, but... (another crash is heard as people are screaming) random employee: Words cannot adequately express the horror I am feeling right now! (the vornicarn crashes the power supply) Monger: Cutting the power supply? Clever. Fortunately, our boys are trained for... (a crash is heard as people are screaming) random fighter: My training didn't cover this! (people are still screaming) random employee: (talks quietly) I just peed. Monger: (sighs) Why? In the enterance of the base (the employes left the base) Monger: Human evacuation complete. Monsters, aliens, you're on your own. That creature escapes to the outside world... Susan (in the base): It won't general. (solutes) Seal us in. Monger: (solutes) I know you'll make me proud. (the door starts to close) Monger: But if you can't stop it, well, that's what emergency base destruct is for, right? Susan (in the base): Wait, what?! Monger: Good hunting! B.O.B. (in the base): Bye! (the door closes) B.O.B. (in the base): (puts his mouth through the door) Love you! (puts his mouth back in the base) (the base is totally locked) In the mess hall of the base Susan: Okay, a lot of base to cover. So we're gonna split into two-person search teams. Sta'abi: Good, I do not trust so many tiny muscles in a hunt. I take the fish-man as partner. Link: Oh yeah! Susan: I'll hit the upper levels with Dr. C. Sqweep: And I feel my intellect would be most helpful if paired with... (Coverton pushes Sqweep with his feet to B.O.B.) B.O.B.: (hugs Sqweep) Best friend hug. Coverton: Oh look, odd man out. I guess I'm with Sta'abi too. (goes to Sta'abi) Yay. Link: Just like an alien. Sqweep: (glows his antenna red) Hmm. Link: What? (Sta'abi, Link, Coverton, Susan, and Dr. Cockroach left the scene) Sqweep: (clears throat and points B.O.B. to the right direction) Hmm, hmm? In the hallway (Sta'abi searches for the vornicarn while Link and Coverton go to Sta'abi) Link: What you doing, tracking? Looks like you're tracking. See how I'm sharing your interests? I'm all about togetherness and tracking... (Sta'abi pushes down Link) Coverton: Hunting skills, casual disregard for the safety of others. I must say, you're acing the personality profile, Sta'abi. Link: (stops Coverton) Hey, third wheel. Kind of trying to have some quality time with the lady here, you mind? Coverton: Just getting to know my fellow alien. (chuckles) Could you state your feelings on humans, on a scale from disposable to delicious? (laughs) Link: Say what now? Coverton: (covers Link's lips) Oh, hush. Like you're human. (floats away) By some restrooms (Dr. Cockroaches tracker beeps at the male's restroom which Susan and him went in; he also tracks the middle stall) Susan: (kicks the stall open) Yah, gotcha! Henry: Well, good for you, missy! Dr. Cockroach: Henry the janitor? Susan: Aren't you supposed to be evacuated? Henry: Bunch of frilly-drawered malarkey. The only thing that needs evacuating around here is this clogged toilet. Dang thing won't e----(gets bitten by the vornicarn) AAH! (the vornicarn snarls while trying to get out of the restroom; Susan and Dr. Cockroach went out of the restroom) Henry: Aww, Henry's getting a swirly. Outside of the base Monger: It has to be your call, Mr. President. You're the only one who can authorize an emergency base destruct. Hathaway (in the Oval Office): The monsters are still inside? Monger: Affirmative. Hathaway (in the Oval Office): But this vornicarn could get out and terrorize the entire planet? Monger: That is the moral quandary. I'll understand if you need some time to... Hathaway (in the Oval Office): Do I get to press a big, red demolition plunger? Monger: I suppose we could rig up a plunger if you want to come down here and... Hathaway (in the Oval Office): (groans) Down there? Why can't I get one up here? Monger: Uh, I don't really... Hathaway (in the Oval Office): Margaret, have somebody wire me up a big, red plunger. (stands up) I'll be in the Lincoln Bedroom watching videos of skateboarders getting hit in the hoo-hoos. (a solider goes behind Monger while also standing on his hands) Monger: (sighs and talks silently) Four more years. In the mess hall at the base Sqweep: (observes) I have deduced that this is the vornicarn's likely nesting spot. B.O.B.: (pours ketchup on an egg roll) How you figure? Sqweep: The creature only recently hatched. Therefore, one must think like a baby. B.O.B.: (ingests the egg roll from his right side while chewing and then gulping it) Got it. Heh, where do you want me to cry and make a boomer? Sqweep: I simply mean we should look for the most warm, soothing environment on this base. Logically, the kitchen. (hears the cooking tools clatter) We have located the baby. (the vornicarn pops up full grown) B.O.B.: That ain't no baby. (gives the sombrero) Friendship sombrero? (the vornicarn eats and gulps the sombrero; it then roars) In the hallway Coverton: (answers the phone by his chair) Hello? Sqweep (in the kitchen): Aaah, it's gigantic! Not a baby, not a baby! B.O.B. (in the kitchen): Hey guys, it's B.O.B. (screams) Ohohohoh! Sta'abi: The growth sprut. Now the hunt truly begins. Link: Wait, you knew this was coming? Why didn't you tell anyone? Sta'abi: (grabs one of Link's gills) Let us you and me get alone time now. Link: I am totally on board with that. Coverton: What? Link: (pushes Coverton into the dumpster) What do you have in mind, baby? (Sta'abi hits Link on the head with her spear) In the sewer of the base Link: (is tied up in Sta'abi while hanging and gets scared) Oh good, Sta'abi. I think we were probably smooching or something; I don't know. And somebody hit me in the back of the----Wait a minute. Sta'abi: (hangs on to the rope) After the growth sprut, the vornicarn will be starving. Link: You're using me as bait? Sta'abi: Eh, he already has a taste for your nose insides. Link: (groans) This is officially the fifth worst date I've ever been on. Coverton: (screams while falling down the trash shot and looks up) Hmm? Oh my, backstabbing and sacrificing one of the monster? Oh dear Sta'abi, you just nailed the job application. (puts a banana peel over him, chuckles, and slides away from the screen) Link: (tries to untangle himself) I can't believe I trusted you and sort of, wanted to write a rap song about you. Sta'abi: Ha, I knew this was a stupid planet. (the vornicarn growls) Link: Yeah well, lesson relearned; alien always equals trouble. Sqweep: I'm afraid I do not concur. Sta'abi: (turns around) What? (Sqweep flies up a pipe which his scooter to Link) Link: Sqweep! (the vornicarn snarls and roars while making his eyes bigger) Link: AHAHAHAHAH! (Sqweep shoots a laser which dissolves the rope) Sta'abi: No! (the vornicarn hits the wall and Link falls down while screaming) B.O.B.: (catches Link) Hey buddy. (Sqweep tries to shoot the vornicarn) Link: B.O.B., cut me loose so I can hug you you big mug. Susan: (runs with Dr. Cockroach) B.O.B., Link, what's going----(sees the vornicarn hanging on the pipe) Whoa! (the vornicarn snarls and goes in the pipe while chasing Link) Dr. Cockroach: Come no closer, beast. Or you shall face... (gets slung by the vornicarn towards the wall while screaming) (Susan and Link tries to run away from the vornicarn, but it's tongue grabbed Link; Susan tries to catch up to the vornicarn) B.O.B.: (pulls the vornicarn and Link with his tongue) Tongue tag, you're it. (gets pulled by the vornicarn) Whoa. (Susan grows into her Ginormica form and pushes the vornicarn out the pipe; as they were falling, Susan punches the vornicarn repeatedly until the vornicarn is far apart, grabs Link with its mouth and spits it towards B.O.B. which he hits Susan) Susan: (puts her legs on both sides of the pipe and talks while fighting) Let them go! Sta'abi: No, the vornicarn is mine! (drops down and punches the vornicarn with the both of them falling to the ground and gets her spear ready) (the vornicarn roars as the others go in or near a pipe having Susan shrinking to human size) Link: She's going one-on-one with that thing? Sqweep: She will be annihilated. (the vornicarn growls) Sta'abi: (dodges the vornicarn's attack) Bad vornicarn, (puts down her spear) heel! I said, (puts down her spear) "Heel!" (the vornicarn roars) Sta'abi: (dodges the vornicarn's attack) Speak. (the vornicarn roars) Sta'abi: Good vornicarn. Susan: Is she training that thing?! Sta'abi: And go only on the paper, Vornicarn. (the vornicarn growls) Link: I'm gonna go with yes. B.O.B.: Wait, we can go on papers? Hello porta-potty. (puts the notepad behind his rear) Sta'abi: Sit Vornicarn. Siiiiit. (the vornicarn growls and rolls over) Sta'abi: (sits on the vornicarn) This, is, not, sitting! (the vornicarn along with Sta'abi goes in a pipe leading out) On the entrance of the base Hathaway (in the Oval Office): (salutes) This is the greatest moment of my presidency. (stops saluting) Margaret, play something inspirational. (hears hip-hop music) Ohohoh, yeah. (dances to the music) Monger: Mr. President, we should probably check to see if the monsters had any luck before exploding our own base. Hathaway (in the Oval Office): Too excited. Somebody give me a countdown! Start with ten----No, six; I can't wait! unnamed employee: Six, five, four, three, two... (the vornicarn and Sta'abi escapes the base and create a hole through near the base) Monger: What in the... Sta'abi: (climbs out the hole with the vornicarn) Consider yourself, domesticated. (scratches the vornicarn) (the vornicarn purrs while Susan, Link, Sweep, B.O.B., and Dr. Cockroach runs out of the base) Susan: General Monger, wait; that's the vornicarn. It's like some kind of alien pet to her. B.O.B.: It's all in my report, sir. (shows parts of him on the notepad) Hathaway (in the Oval Office): I still get to blow up the base though, right? (Margaret slaps Hathaway's hand) Hathaway (in the Oval Office): Ow! Darn it Margaret, that really stings. Monger: I want a debriefing and I want it brief, golden girly. Sta'abi: The vornicarn is galaxy's best hunting beast. When I learned that one hatched on your planet, of course I came at light speed. Dr. Cockroach: And you could not, perhaps, have told us this from the beginning. Sta'abi: But then you would not have been so whiny-cry-baby scared. The vornicarn likes fear. You cannot fake that. Link: Yeah, you wouldn't wanna, you know, fake about anything. Wow, that came out bitter, on purpose. Monger: Alright then, unauthorized training activity over. Time to hitch a light-beam back to "off my planet", pronto. Sta'abi: It will be my pleasure to leave this (reads a message)----Impossible! Sqweep: It's a message from Sta'abi's home world. She's been ordered to stay on Earth by special request of the galactic council. Coverton: (floats down to the enterance of the base) How wonderful and unexpected. (chuckles) telemarketer: To place another call to the galactic council... Coverton: (grunts while slamming on his chair) Be quiet! Sta'abi: It will take much training to keep from turning soft on this planet of stuck-out (slams her spear on Link's belly) bellies and thumb-sucking presidents. Hathaway (in the Oval Office): (sucks his thumb) Welcome aboard. Sta'abi: Do you have any warriors to spare for carnage practice? Monger: Where's that kid with the red tag? (Sta'abi and the soldiers followed Monger) Dr. Cockroach: Are you quite alright, old friend? Link: Mixed feelings. Sure she's devious and conniving, and her dog tried to eat me. But I've learned today that aliens can have good qualities too. Sqweep: Mm-hmm. Link: I like the way when her eyes light up and when she goes berserko. Ooh, la, la. (Link, Dr. Cockroach, Sqweep, and Susan starts to catch up with the other as Sqweep sighs) B.O.B.: (puts on his sombrero) Victory sombrero. Category:Scripts